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Yoga at home… the hardest thing ever?

How do you start your own home practice in yoga?

It is so … abnormal. So independent. I mean as humans we work well as sheep, it gives us a sense of belonging, we are in essence pack animals, we find comfort in familiarity and intimacy.

It takes a brave person to be a leader to stand up and ask to be followed, it takes an even stronger person to not ask but to do what they want anyway. It takes a strong person, a motivated person to not know the way but to keep walking regardless, to find the adventure. Home practice is all these things. It is taking control of your body , facing your metaphorical mirror and working some stuff out.

I am not that brave person. This is what I tell myself everytime I step off my mat after 3 sun salutations and a half assed attempt at some standing/sitting postures I hope may give me abs and help me look awesome standing on my head.

I have been doing yoga for about 4years now. I cannot succesfully hold ujjayi breath for an entire session, do a headstand or even hold a bridge position for a full five breaths.

The only time I really practice is when I am in a class being led and moulded by a teacher, so am I yogi?

Hell yes I am.

You know why?
I have been doing yoga for 4 years! That is longer than any diet/romantic relationship (less than romantic relationship)/hobbie I have ever tried, and I am sill trying.

So why on earth can I not practice at home?

Truthfully it’s not hard or scary. But as soon as I start to ease force myself into my first forward bend I feel the tenseness of my hamstrings, the blood rush to my head, the motivation pour out and the procrastination thoughts seap in. All off a sudden I remember that I was meant to send that email, tidy my room, buy something for travel, or even read how to do the pose I am currently in. There is simply no space in my head for me time. So maybe it is a little scary. It’s all these things that remind me of the effort I need to put in and the energy I must exert. All these things remind me of how good I’m not at yoga.

I continue to try, I continue to push, but my body continues to resist my yogic adventure. The reasons to continue trying outway my reasons not to, I am ever in search of my inner contentment, but maybe I’ll never find that while I’m telling myself I am not that brave person.

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