My name is Bekki and I’m a hostile yogi…

I am the hostile yogi.

The ‘do I have to?’ yogi.

The reluctant, excuse making yogi, that actually really bloody loves yoga.

You never regret going to a yoga session, stood strong in mountain pose or stretching out the day in a forward bend, leaving feeling lighter, more positive, it’s all true… until I get in my car and drive round the corner.

Yes we all want to be the serene beings the western yoga pratice promises we will become. the reality?

We totally suck at being serene! 

It is something I’m working on, my blood pressure could sure do with it as could my tendancy to comfort eat. Long days do not lend themselves to enthusiastic workouts my friend. Unless you’re one of those people. God I envy those people.

So I’m in a yoga class, ujjayi breath firmly  barely in place and then bam, in the corner of my eye I see that person, how does she get her spine to do that? That’s not normal. And how is she upside down and still perfectly composed? NO! Concentrate, in… and out… but seriously that hair! It’s perfect. Shhhh…    I’m trying to be serene.

I know I’m not alone, my body is actively and blatently hostile towards yoga, it goes against everything I do hour to hour. And whether people admit or not I’m pretty sure about half of the people that do yoga get spontaneous attention deficiencies as soon as they step on the mat.

I mean concentrating on my breath, observing my thoughts as they float by(?), having some one to one time with me, now that is hard!

My mind goes into overdrive, my legs cramp, my bladder decides it’s full and needs attention right now. If I can’t be what a yogi is supposed to be in class how can I outside of it?

Then I realised, yoga doesn’t expect me to be anything but me. All these expectations I put on me are just that, my judgements and insecurities. Yoga isn’t an end point, it’s progress, it’s self discipline and dedication, you don’t just walk in and are given ‘enlightenment’. It takes you as you are and teaches you about you without saying a word. I am still making excuses not to go to yoga classes or leaving a class then arguing with a driver round the corner.

That is just me, I’m a little hostile. I’m dealing with it.

 

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