I am sometimes paralysed with fear of the power of my thoughts, of this world, of it’s ability to change everything around is in the blink of an eye.
So paralysed am I by it all I can go days with good intention that never materialise. To embark on this adventure I am told is ‘brave’, it is exciting and envy worthy, and yet sat here on my floor having just neared panic attack status and sobbing into my carpet I wouldn’t say I epitomized bravery.
When I started this blog I wanted to be happy and shiny and inspire with every word I wrote, but I am simply not that person. Travel has already taught me to expect the unexpected and that it is not all butterflies and rainbows and I haven’t even stepped out the front door.
I am happy and shiny about the fact I am going travelling, but I would be lying if I were to say to you that with just over 36 hours to go I was excited. I am in fact ‘shitting it’, if you’ll excuse the term.
But then I think, what are our dreams if not lined with fears of failure? Fear of this is what leads us away from our dreams time and time again. I do not follow my dreams to live the easy life, although a year around the world may seem entirely ‘dreamy’.
Dreams lead us to become the people we want to be, if we were already there we perhaps would not dream but live in the moment we have without asking for something more. I am asking myself to be braver, to be stronger, more loving and confident, to embrace this world for what it is. Beautiful.
I received a present today that states:
I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul
Sometimes I forget that the choices we make for ourselves are not always the easiest, but our soul yearns for it and only us in turn can steer ourselves towards that.
I may still be a wreck writing a blog post from the floor of my bedroom, but I have hope that someday I may embody this quote.
Thanks Mum and Jessica… helping me out already